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Rut...

Feeling like crap right now... hit a rut. Everyone is discovering happiness around them, and I feel like a toxic element that can't help but touch and taint that which is around me.. I know what I have to do.. Its just going to take some time to fix and get there....

I can't help but think that my life is amusement for others. Friends call and count on me when shit hits the fan. Even friends that I haven't heard from in a long time, its hearing them out or helping them fix a problem. One friend today mentioned at work today that when she described me to her bf, that I have a lot of friends, and a lot of 'other friends'... being various roles in their lives.. but not fulfilling my needs.

The smartest of my friends have cut me off... not just from the crap that goes on in their life, but all the other stuff too. I need to Do the same as well...

Still .. when I calm down, I come to the realization what I am doing is right. I sleep at night, and I am a pretty good person. I don't own a house, a car or make a lot of money, but that doesn't take away from who I am. I will lose more people in my life this year, and probably even next year. I am thankful and grateful of those who still continue to stick by me. I am not who I am without them...