razorw

Can't remember the last time I've updated this. Went to a recording studio on Friday. First time. Never in my life would I ever think I would step foot into an environment like that. We were doing recordings for our annual report, making it audio based. Will share when we have the final product.

Quite a busy day. A course celebration lunch with some fellow colleagues, and then an inter-agency meeting with a partner for a new youth initiative in the fall. I am really lucky to be able to get to some pretty interesting and exciting things.

Tonight, I went over to a sushi place, where I know the owners. Got a call yesterday that they were having some computer issues. Fortunately when I came over, no issues at all. Sushi was delicious. It was nice to chat with the very cute couple. Starting to learn more about them. I feel they treat me like family. Very sweet. I've helped them out a few times with some computer stuff, sometimes not so successful. Still, this is where, friendship is more valuable than money.

Later in the evening caught up with a very special friend. The candidness and honesty of our friendship keeps driving me forward. I think we both needed it. I think I need it more than her. At least tonight. Been struggling with a few things at work and in life lately. Haven't been able to bounce anything off my chest until tonight.

Finally starting not to look like chipmunk. Already have a fat face, but after getting wisdom teeth (and another 2 molars out), trying to get back to normal.

It was brutal. I can see why people do it when they are younger. I still feel rawness in my mouth a few weeks later. Did lose 25lbs in the first four days though. Need to lose a lot more than that, so a nice benefit. Trying to figure out how to pay it off. Benefits are a lot crappier than I expect, and so I'll be footing a bill of nearly $7K by the end of it all. $5K is for some implants that I need to get in six months time, so that's going to drain a few resources and/or vacations...

Not only do I feel like getting kicked in the teeth, but reduced hours at Best Buy is hurting the cash flow. Funny, how both happened at nearly the same time. Need to look at some alternatives...

Trying to get back in the rhythm of work has been a bit rough. Talked to my boss about it, and she gave me the advice, "You an elephant, one bite at a time", to which I responded, "Which elephant?!?". I want to start avoid meetings at work. Seems after every meeting, I'm working another new project, and another tight deadline. Yet another elephant.

People are disappearing left, right and centre... With the issues with my teeth, I'm just not a very happy person these days. Mostly not deliberate, just everyone is busy. Not to mention, people in new relationships, babies on the way, or getting married. I really empathize with those who live with pain on a daily basis. Teeth pain is not fun. Thankfully, tylenol3 and advil have been good company.

Run out of empathy for 2012.. I've got more anger and bitterness inside of me than I've had in a long time. Usually, its not a big deal, but I don't have any channels for release.. Need to fight through it. Need to care more than I do now.

Surgery is on friday. So much to do. Hoping to get out of 2012 alive...

Just got back trying to help a friend setup a new restaurant. Sushi. Mmmmm. The POS that he picked up is really a POS. Support is terrible and design doesn't work. They didn't even give proper cables for the printing system.

Apparently, it was also setup to 'plug and play' and 'work out of the box'. I don't understand how companies are still active and running with this sort of setup. Finally at 3pm this afternoon, after 5 hours of working on it, I called it quits. Just too many issues, with networking, and configuration. Support is terrible, and condescending. There's also, the fact that these machines, a few generations old (recycled), are running extremely hot. I also get the feeling that even though each machine was setup, they didn't actually test and network the machines together to ensure they are 'working'. Just asking for trouble. We cut our losses, and we'll find a local solution.

He also mentioned to me if I'm interested in meeting someone overseas. Uhhh... well ... didn't say yes, but wasn't a no either. We'll see how this pans out...

Tonight, one of my very close friends, who has dropped off the planet over the last few months is bringing the new bf out. Should be good. It'll be nice to meet him, and catch up some friends...

Just struggling a lot this week. Health, friends, work ... things are just not what they seem. Age and time has a way of stripping away certain things no matter how solid they may seem. Change and survive. Be static and die... That seems to be the mantra these days... not keeping up, or leading the charge as I would like.

I want to share in the happiness of others and their successes, but I'm just not there right now. I think I've used up my allocation of empathy for 2012. Being a hermit, and focusing on things that I can change right now. Don't have much to lean on right now. Just talked to a old friend today. she's big in the the UFOs right now. Not a joke. I just don't even know what to say...

Everything seems to be a fight or a battle, and while I don't mind fighting, I know I can't win every battle. Some battles, I don't I'll fight this lifetime..

The world has a way of providing what you need, when you need it though. Need to reach out and accept it.

Betrayed the trust of a friend. As sorry as I am, nothing I can do now, but still unacceptable, especially considering the type of work I do. Its not good enough.

Need to treat this as a good reality check, and the next few months of changes are for the best. Time to get my crap together...

One crazy hectic morning. Parents left early, and just couldn't get up to work on time and focus. Had to put it back together early. Volunteer called in sick and had to cover a coaching shift this afternoon. It was nice to get back on the front lines. Knowing to make a difference, and that what she learned today, will take her many decades into the future.

Mom brought over some stuff from grandma's house. Grandma was a bit of a hoarder. Just *shuddered* when I saw the garbage bags she had labelled 'baby' stuff. Someone is putting the horse way, way before the cart. I'm sure there's a few people I can probably drop this stuff off of...

2012 is 1/12 over. How are you doing on your New Years' Resolutions?

Trying to set some things up in play. Struggling a lot more than I'm used to, and more than in the past. Stability, is just an illusion.

Still, certain things need to be in place, and ready to hit the button. I'll start initiating a few things come March. Pretty restless right now, almost like cabin-fever, but with no release valve.

Nothing to report as of yet...

Getting six teeth pulled on Friday March 2nd. 4 wisdom and 2 molars (that never grew in). I haven't been at 100% for most of this year, and I feel like I am running on 60%. My cash flow seems that way, so hopefully I can pick up a few more shifts and opportunities. This dental appointment isn't going to be cheap, even with benefits.. *sigh...

Still, thankful to have two jobs. I think its really the only thing keeping me sane. Everyone is progressing along, and I need to find my path.

Found out a few things at work, which means 'opportunity', though maybe not in the best sense., which leave me working on plan B, C and D. Right now, I think I'm just hoping to get out of 2012 alive. Its just going to be a crazy year.

Haven't posted pics from all my trips late last year, but they are coming soon. My therapy is to drown myself into my work, and so I've picked up some extra shifts the next few weeks. Need to find that balance again with my hours being cut at my retail job. Those hours will pick up again...

Catching up with friends is great. I think I have finally finished clearing out the last of the Christmas gifts of 2011. Spent a bit too much in December. Trying to cut back a few costs. It all balances out, I just need to be smarter about it...

People are moving all over the place. Lots of friends trying to get rid of the travel bug before having kids. Others are onto kid #2... Need to start stocking up on baby gifts....

Cheers. --Ray

Been fighting my body already this year. Upper back spasms in the first week, and now wisdom teeth. Its nice that Chinese New Year is next week. I need a restart button, otherwise it is going to be a very long year...